Walk Before You Run
by Nova Viper
Summary: Shepard and Vakarian try to rebuild their lives after the war. The loss of synthetic life affects the way medicine handles the war's wounded; Shepard included. FemShep/Garrus, Post ME3 Spoilers .
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: It's been some years since I've been on here, but I find myself consumed by this narrative. Based on Spacer Paragon Shepard. All Mass Effect Characters belong to Bioware/EA. Enjoy.

**Chapter 1**

Captain Garrus Vakarian's eyes stared blankly at the screen in front of him. Going on three years since The Reaper War, and the Turian was becoming more aware every day of why he had left C-sec in the first place. As a war hero, he had been welcomed back to the Citadel with open arms and given his current position as Captain of the Presidium sector in C-sec. Given his position and the nature of how things had changed due to the war, he had been able to influence some shifts in policy, removing some of the red tape that had driven him to joining Shepard in the first place. However, the red tape had remained in many aspects of his job. At least working in the Presidium meant that he had a bit of excitement given the rise of various organized crime groups since the end of the war.

Outside his office door, officers, lieutenants and the Captain of the Academy were busy processing the files of the incoming C-sec Academy class. Captain Xelia Hadarken was a tough, slightly older female Turian that had been appointed to oversee the training of new cadets. Only those that passed through the taxing curriculum she had instituted would graduate and become officers. There was a desperate need to replace the military and law enforcement of the galaxy after so many had been ruthlessly slaughtered.

Garrus' mind wandered briefly to those that had been lost. Family, friends, shipmates, fellows-in-arms... None had been untouched by the destruction the Reapers wrought. Sighing, he brought his thoughts back to present. No use in wallowing in the past. Those that had managed to survive were focused on rebuilding and on the future. Speaking of survivors...

He glanced over at the clock on his desk. He groaned and placed his face in his hands when the display brightly glowed "1600" at him. Another hour before he was supposed to leave, yet he had finished all his paperwork and background checks for the day. He had nothing left to do. Well, not exactly- he could help Xelia and her staff sort through the incoming cadet profiles. Garrus decided against it, feeling he had already done her a huge favor by conducting the rest of her background checks for her in preparation for the incoming class. Beyond what he had done already that day, he felt no more obligation to assist his friend and coworker. Besides, he had a bit of motivation to get out of the office a bit early.

Gathering his things and closing down his workstation, he locked his office door behind him and maneuvered through the organized chaos of the rest of the office. Captain Hadarken glared at him from her small fortress of data pads and emitted a subharmonic the expressed her extreme displeasure with his early departure. Garrus threw up his hands in mock helplessness and flared his mandibles in a smirk. Thankfully, the number of staff running around kept her from gaining his assistance through force. She could expand upon her irritation with him another time; for now, he had somewhere he would much rather be than at work.

* * *

The Asari nurse should have been granted sainthood for her patience. There were many that were lost during the war, and those that had been on the front lines and survived were horribly broken- both mentally and physically. The nurse was quite adept at aiding the physical ailments of her patients, but there was little she could do for their wounded minds. She found that the best way to help them was to simply let the cursing, angry soldiers she worked with to let their frustrations be expressed openly. Unlike many of her fellow nurses- who tsked at and scolded the foul demeanor of their patients- she simply nodded her understanding and kept on with her work.

The revered Commander Shepard was no exception to this rule. The hero of the galaxy, the one who had saved them all, was muttering angrily under her breath as she supported herself on the two bars that flanked her. Somehow, some way, the apparently indestructible commander had survived the impossible odds against her and made it through the Crucible's descent to Earth after the great red pulse of energy had killed all synthetic life. The decision had not come easily, but she saw it as the best option. Technology would go on, but artificial life forms would not survive. She had also received orders to live beyond her encounter with the Catalyst.

Pain and a terribly uncomfortable pressure was forcing its way up her legs and into her spain. She was acutely aware of every single place where the Salarian doctors had managed to put her broken legs and spine back to together.

"Less on your arms, more on your legs," the nurse gently prodded.

"Easier said than done," Kate Shepard growled through clenched teeth.

"The nerves and muscles need to learn to support themselves."

Kate didn't respond other than to allow more of her weight to settle onto her legs as she deliberately attempted to place one foot in front of the other. There was a sharp intake of breath between her teeth as more pain rocketed its way up her body. _Do it_, she yelled in her mind, _Just go already!_ Her legs stubbornly disobeyed the mind that supposedly controlled them and shuffled awkwardly under her.

"That's it, you're doing very well."

She knew the nurse was just doing her job, just trying to help. It wasn't her fault that the soldier before her had been accustomed to a life in which motion and superb control of her body came naturally was infuriated at the lack of her body's response to her commands.

"Appears you have a visitor," the nurse said warmly, causing Shepard to look up with brighter, happier eyes than those directed to her own feet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Garrus had eagerly flown his skycar (another perk of his new position) to the medical center on the Presidium. Last time he had spoken to her doctor, the news had been promising. She was making very good progress, and things were looking promising. The Salarian had been sure to remind the Turian that they weren't out of the woods yet, and that there was a good possibility that she would never recover fully. Still, Garrus had faith in her.

When they had originally recovered her body, they didn't even know if she would live through the next 24 hours. Then, there was uncertainty over whether she would ever wake from her deep coma. But it was in true Commander Kate Shepard fashion that she had persisted in fighting for her life; after nearly a year, she woke from her state of living death. The doctors had managed to reconstruct her legs and back, the most damaged parts of her, but told her that she would never walk again.

Yet, despite each obstacle that had stood in her way, his commander has conquered them all. He watched from the bench along the wall as Shepard worked with a physical therapy nurse at the bars, trying to walk along the padded path. He felt his mandibles flare in a warm smile and his heart swell with pride at the progress she was making. The determination on her face as she placed each foot before the other with purpose reminded him of why he had admired her in the first place. Her steely gray eyes were fierce with a fire that never went out.

When the nurse had motioned to him and Kate had looked up at him with a smile on her face, he couldn't help but smile in return. He stood and walked over to her and the nurse, nodding in respect to the Asari.

"How's it going?" he asked Shepard.

"Terribly," she spat, frowning in frustration.

"Actually, she's been doing quite well. A little more sturdy with each session," the nurse quipped from behind Shepard.

"Sure doesn't feel like it," Kate muttered, turning her gaze back to her crooked legs and twisted feet. After a brief moment her head snapped up and gave the Turian before her a mildly confused look, switching her gaze between him and the clock high on the wall of the room, "What are you doing here anyway? You're early."

Garrus shrugged, "I finished my work early- and I wanted to see how you were doing. The doctor's last report was a good one, so I wanted to see you in action." He was smirking at her affectionately.

She gave a dismissive snort to his statement. "Oh yeah," she said snidely "I'll be running laps on the track in no time."

Her comment caused Garrus some pain deep in his stomach; she was much too hard on herself, given everything that she had been through. He briefly and gently touched his forehead to hers. "I know it's hard, especially for you," he said "But you have to try and be patient. These things take time."

Neither of the pair had noticed that the Asari had briefly departed and returned, carrying in her hands the metal crutches that had become a part of Kate Shepard's life over the course of the past year. Garrus helped her to the end of the walking bars so that she would not strain herself. She shooed he and the nurse off of her as she slipped her forearms through the cushions straps and grasped the handles with her scarred and calloused hands. She and Garrus thanked the nurse before turning and gathering Shepard's things from the cubbies along the wall by the exit.

Vakarian escorted her to their car and loaded her bag into the back before he walked around to the driver's side. He had ceased helping her in and out of the vehicle long ago, as her stubborn nature had ensured that she was determined to accomplish "getting on and off my ass," as she had so graciously put it. They talked briefly about their respective days' events. Twice a week, Kate worked from home and Garrus would go home for lunch, taking her to her physical therapy after their shared meal.

Parking on the small pad outside their apartment, Garrus retrieved her bag and unlocked the front door to their home. Moving in together had been a natural move for them once Kate was released from the hospital on Earth. She had originally needed nearly round-the-clock care, and Garrus refused to leave her side after nearly losing her... again. The shift had taken some getting used-to of both ends, as solitary military life and their time criss-crossing the galaxy had set certain habits concerning living space into both of them. Time eased the transition and the two became accustomed to each others' presence.

Exhausted, Kate flopped herself onto the larger couch and abandoned her crutches on the floor. She sighed in contentment as her aching body sank into the soft cushions. Garrus turned the main stereo on, soft and relaxing music washing them of their stresses. Some time later, with each dinner prepared and subsequently consumed, the two war heroes found ways to unwind. Garrus sat in their bed, reading the latest issue of "Battle Tech" magazine; Kate had made herself up a bath and was soaking in the warm, soapy water- her aches relieved by the warmth and reduced weight.

Feeling her skin was pruned up enough, Shepard attempted to lift herself enough to sit on the side of the tub. Her arms had been broken in her fall to earth, but those injuries had been minor compared to her shattered back and legs. Now, her biceps and shoulders flexed strongly as she grabbed her assist bar and pulled her body upwards, out of the water. She reached off to the side and intended to plant her hand solidly on the tub wall and shift her weight over. That was what she intended. That was not what happened.

Before she had barely registered that she did not have the cool stone under her palm, she was under the water and pain seared through her mind. She instinctually cried out, causing water to fill her mouth; luckily her survival training from her Alliance days kicked in and she forced herself to keep from inhaling. Two strong sets of talons were reaching down, and she grabbed onto the arms attached to them.

Garrus had heard the splash in the bathroom from the bed and bolted out of bed, running to the aid of his companion- he feared the worst. When he saw her submerged head and arms outstretched, flailing in the air, he reached in under her shoulders and lifted her slick body out of the water. She up sputtering and blinking the soapy water furiously out of her eyes. She gasped for air and pulled herself to him, clinging to his plates as he carefully lifted her with one arm and retrieved a towel with the other. All Kate could do was start laughing as he lovingly wrapped her in the fluffy warm cloth and drained the water of her bath.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Vakarian attempted to go back to his reading after his brief scare with his lover. However, his adrenaline still had his heart beating furiously in his chest. He glanced over to where she sat on the edge of the bed. Her bare back was exposed to him as she tousled her long black hair with her towel. He could not help the discomfort he felt as he gazed upon her once porcelain back. Seemingly gazing back at him was the still-healing scar that ran most of the length down her back along her spine. Perpendicular scars crossed it at regular intervals, some fresher than others. She had been through countless surgeries, first to try and piece back together what was left of her skeleton, then to try and fix the extensive nerve damage in her spinal cord and primary nerve conduits.

The human doctors on earth had limited resources when they originally pieced her back together- they'd had to resort to more primitive surgical staples to close her wounds. Those had left scars of their own, chewing her flesh alongside where the surgeons had done their best, time and time again, to save their hero. His hero. She turned her head and looked at him over her shoulder, "Enjoying the view?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't," he replied with a smirk.

It was true. While the marks left by her medical procedures caused him a certain level of discomfort, it was only due to his awareness of the pain those wounds and procedures had caused her. He was far from finding her unattractive. While she was no Turian woman, his lover had different sort of appeal to him. Her broad shoulders, long, narrow waist, wide hips, muscular and toned arms was reminiscent to him of a Turian in all the best ways, while still being quite human. Turians had evolved as fighters, predators. Her build was also that of a predator, a fighter to the end. Once, her legs had been thick with defined muscle rippling under her pale skin. Now, they were thinner, with scars similar to her back running their length. She was the most thrilling and beautiful creature in the universe as far as he was concerned.

She smiled at him and folded her towel, placing it next her. She pulled an overly-large shirt over her torso and scooted herself back to the head of the bed with her arms. Garrus placed his reading on the stand next to his side of the bed and picked up her towel, placing it to dry in the bathroom. Kate made herself comfortable in their shared bed, waiting for Garrus to return. He did so shortly, returning to his previously occupied space. He grinned at her as she methodically braided her still-damp locks.

"You ready for tomorrow?" he asked her.

"I'm not sure. It will be odd, but I'm somewhat excited to see what happens. It's been quite awhile since I've worked outside the office." Her words were careful and measured and she tried to express her thoughts. He nodded understandingly.

"I'm sure you'll do great. If anything gets out of hand, I'm sure you can handle it," he leaned over and nuzzled her neck softly, "You always do."

She placed a warm hand on the scarred side of face, resting her mouth and nose atop his fringe. She breathed him in. They had almost lost each other so many times. There were times she felt she had to pinch herself to tell herself this was all real- that she was alive and with him and living among a civilization that was not under some greater cosmic threat that loomed over them. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and scooted herself down under the blankets.

"Let's get some.. yyyyuuhhhhh... sleep," she said groggily, interrupting herself with a yawn.

"Yes, let's. We've both got a long day before us tomorrow."

Garrus settled himself in next to her and did his best to avoid her hip, angrily bruised from her tumble in the bath earlier. Soon, they both drifted off into sweet sleep.

* * *

_"Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you...come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you…." His words echoed in her mind as she made a mad dash for the beam up to the Crucible. The Normandy had just airlifted him out of the battle, the crew restraining him from leaping off the ramp after her. The words kept playing themselves over and over in her mind, like a corrupted audio file, as she weighed the options the Catalyst presented to her. "Come back alive..." That was her order. She was a soldier, and a damn good one at that. Good soldiers follow orders._

_ She gazed at each of her options again. Destruction. Control. Synthesis. The latter two would guarantee she would cease to exist. The former most likely would as well. And yet, there was a chance- a slim one, but a chance all the same. But what about the Geth? EDI? Herself? The tech that had, up to this point, been keeping her alive was heavily influenced by Geth tech. Parts of her auto-repaired when damaged. What would happen to her without the mad science of Cerberus there to hold her together? "Order... come back alive..." Over and over, his voice echoed in her head. She thought of those she had lost: friends, lovers, mentors and more. Then there he was. Garrus Vakarian. Turian sniper. Advisor to the Primarch. Smartass. The man she loved._

_ Kate narrowed her pale gray eyes and focused what was left of her strength. She stumbled forward, the small blue child before her watching with its cold and soulless eyes. Everything hurt, and it was almost tempting to just lay down and give up, to just slip away and let the pain end- But then cobalt blue eyes full of love and a powerful voice would tell her, "Your boyfriend has an order for you... come back alive..."_

_ Lifting what was left of her more stable arm, she took aim with her pistol. One round. Then another. Then another and another and another. The shots sounding against the conduit casing. She let out a primal scream as she unloaded the clip into the machine, the flames suddenly flames reaching toward her, seeking to draw her into their arms._

_ Then she was falling... falling... pain... black... It was happening again, she was dying. She had failed him._

_ Falling..._

_ Blackness..._

_ Cold..._

_ Pain..._

_ Then... nothing..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kate Shepard woke with a start, her sweat damped chest heaving under her shirt as she gasped for air. Garrus was instantly awake and sitting up next to her, concern for her heavy in his eyes. Her wide eyes searched the room for something recognizable. Garrus reached over and gently brought her face around to look at him with his hand. She exhaled in relief before the tears started.

"Oh, Garrus. I saw it again... all of it... all over again..." Her voice drifted off into a choked sob.

"I know." It was all he could say as he held her and gently rocked her back and forth. He had found her rocking herself and sobbing in her cabin during the war, and found that it soothed her often frayed nerves. She could be so strong, but her deep compassion for others led her to often being in pain over their suffering. The... What was it she called them?... "Night Terrors" she experienced often woke them this way. For all intents and purposes, she had died twice- both times painfully and horrifically. He had lost her twice. The first time, he lost a mentor and dear friend. The second, he lost the woman he loved.

Her breathing slowed and she pulled away from him, wiping her face of her tears. She smiled weakly up at him, her light irises bright and shining again her bloodshot sclera. Her stroked her face and glanced over at the time. 0400. With a twitch of his mandibles he got up and walked to the bathroom. Kate heard the water running in the tub and raised a quizzical brow. "What are you doing?" she called after the Turian.

His response was to come back into the bedroom and gently lift her from the bed, being mindful of his talons and her scars. When she saw the suds in the tub, her eyes went wide.

"Uh, Garrus, I'm not sure that's the best idea..." She mindfully rubbed the sore spot on her hip from a few hours earlier.

"Well, that's why I'm here- so that you don't try to do another imitation of a fish."

He sat her on the counter and removed her shirt from her. She giggled as she raised her arms in compliance. As soon as she lowered them, she went for his pants and undid the fastenings. Both nude, Garrus slowly lowered himself and his companion into their large bath tub. She didn't know what he had put in the bath, but it smelled delightful. He sat behind her and began gently massaging her delicate neck. She closed her eyes and hummed her agreement with his actions.

"I figure we have some time before we have to get ready for work, and that we weren't going to get much more rest, so this might be a good alternative." His flanging rumbled deep in his chest. She delighted in the sensation.

"You, sir, are brilliant." she said without opening her eyes.

"It took you this long to figure that out? Perhaps I overestimated you, Kate."

Shepard threw her Turian a playful warning glare and flicked him with some suds.

"Watch it Vakarian."

His laugh echoed in their spacious bathroom, the sound music to her very being.

* * *

Shepard and Vakarian entered the Presidium C-sec office, briefly kissed, and parted ways. Garrus turned on the main lights, illuminating the open office area, interrogation and prisoner holding rooms. They were the first ones in this morning. Even with their extended time together this morning, they had become somewhat restless at home and decided to come in a bit earlier than usual. It was just as well, really. Kate hadn't returned to her normal duties for two months, and had preparations to make. Garrus listened carefully as she went down the hall to the elevator, the 'clack, brush, clack, brush' of her gait distinctive and echoing in the empty corridor. Even now, after she had been using the crutches for over a year, he was nervous and feared hearing the crash of her losing her stance and falling.

Once the elevator doors closed behind her, he went to his own office. Unlocking the door, flicking on the lights, he scanned the room for any disturbances. Even now, he feared possible enemies breaking in and snooping where they were not wanted. Noting that everything was in the place he had left it, Garrus sat at his desk, powering on his workstation. It was not long before the rest of the division began trickling for another day protecting politicians, diplomats, and powerful merchants. Sighing to himself, he waited for the next small disaster to distract him from the seemingly endless mindless tasks the Executor had for him.

It was on the lowest level of the Prisidium C-sec headquarters that Shepard had her office. Her wavy black hair was pinned into a tight bun, pulled away from her face. She unlocked her office and quickly did the same visual sweep that her companion had done upstairs. Satisfied with the state of her space, she sat in the seat closest to her door and removed one crutch in order to drop her large and heavy duffel bag. Slipping her crutch back on, she greeted the first of her assistants that arrived with a bright smile.

_It's so damn good to be back,_ Kate thought with a grin as she surveyed the latest class of recruits standing at attention before her. There were roughly 30 men and women of various species before, in perfect rank and file. Well, almost perfect. Manny were trying (and failing) to hide their awe and admiration for _the_ Commander Shepard. Except she wasn't a Commander anymore. She was a lieutenant. Specifically, she was an Instruction Lieutenant in Open Hand Defense. Her Captain, a female Turian she respected greatly, was currently explaining her expectations of the recruits as they worked their way through the various courses in her Academy.

Captain Hadarken finished her cutting, to-the-point speech and gave the cadets one last severe pass over with her sharp yellow eyes. She then turned to Kate and with a slight flare of the mandibles, "They're all yours, my dear." With that, Xelia strode gracefully out of the gym. The cadets, all in standard issue black tees and blue exercise pants, had no idea what they were in for.

"I'm sure some, if not all, of you are aware of who I am. I am the former Commander of the Normandy. Now, however, I am Lt. Shepard. Change in jobs, change in rank. Please bear that in mind when addressing me. I am not here to tell you war stories, participate in activism or autographs; so if you are here to try and fulfill one of those tasks, I highly suggest you leave immediately."

She was happy to see that none of her class even flinched. Good. They were here for the right reasons. Better than the last group.

"I am here to teach you what is known as Open-Hand Defense. That is, how you defend yourself and manage a potentially dangerous situation without the use of a weapon. This class is both physically and mentally demanding. I will be asking much of you, but only because I know you can do it. Now, as you may have noticed, I have some help," she motioned with a crutch to the five officers behind her, "They are my assistants. I have them, because, as you can clearly see, I am not able to physically perform many of the more physical tasks I will be teaching you. They are an extension of me. Treat them as such. Understood?"

The was a resounding "Yes ma'am" from the class.

"Good," a smile graced her lips, "Then let us begin..."

Garrus drew himself up to his full height as he carefully examined the Salarian sitting in the chair across from his desk. The tiny doctor was not unknown to him. Maelon Heplorn had crossed paths with Garrus and Shepard before, some years beforehand. Given the reputation that preceded the twitchy Salarian, the C-sec Captain was extremely suspicious of the offer being presented to him.

"I swear, it will all be one hundred percent safe and there will be no harm done in any way!" Maelon 's speech was as rapid-fire as a certain other Salarian doctor Garrus had known.

"And I'm supposed to believe that you've learned from your mistakes?" the Turian growled, eyes narrowing and his fringe flaring slightly. "I am supposed to believe that these... procedures... will pose no danger?"

Maelon nodded eagerly. "Oh yes, yes! Took some time and careful consideration, but I came to realize Professor Solus' methods were in fact more efficient than those I had been practicing on my own. No harm, no harm at all. Diagnostics will need to be run of course, however all tests would merely be simulated through biologic and static algorithms prior to utilization. Much more efficient, much more safe."

Garrus sat quietly for some time. He absently tapped a gloved talon against his chin as he considered the opportunity being presented to him. Was there a chance? After all, hope had been all but abandoned at this point and it was just pure stubbornness that remained.

Lacing his fingers together before him on the desk, Garrus bore into Maelon with his cold blue stare.

"I will have to take this into careful consideration. I will contact you with my decision. Thank you for coming to see me Dr. Heplorn."

"Of course, wouldn't expect anything less. Thank you, Captain."

Maelon nodded his appreciation and stepped out of the office, heading back to his clinic elsewhere on the citadel. Garrus released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. For some reason, his stomach felt like a chunk of ice. It was a most unpleasant sensation.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Garrus watched with a careful gaze as Kate worked with a human nurse at the walking bars. Her progress, it seemed, had plateaued. Her progress up to this point had been far more than any of them had ever hoped for. At least, that's what the doctors had told them at their last meeting. It had been six months since Kate Shepard had made any kind of improvement in her attempt to regain her ability to walk. The doctors were more concerned about how the nerves had still not recovered in some places._

_"I can live with numb spots, as long as I can walk," she had told the doctors coldly, a death grip on Garrus' hand the whole time. Her frustration was wearing her down. He was having a harder and harder time convincing her to stay afloat. There had been more than one occasion when he had found her curled up under her desk with the lights off, tears streaming down her face. It killed him to see her like that. Part of him cursed the damned Catalyst for doing this to her. At the same time, he was relieved that she had made it this far, that she had lived._

"If you don't tell me what's on your mind, Vakarian, I may have to shoot you," came the lilting voice from his office door. Garrus' head snapped up to see Xelia leaning in the doorway, leveling a serious look at him. Her subharmonics carried a tone of concern, betraying her stern expression. He sighed. Of course she had noticed him staring at the comm system on his workstation screen for the better part of the last hour.

"Personal matters," Garrus said shortly. He made sure he sent a slight subharmonic warning to let her know he did not appreciate the intrusion. She raised a brow-plate at him in mild surprise.

"That may be the case Vakarian, but as your colleague and as someone who considers you to be something of a friend, I feel the need to point out that whatever you have on your mind is clearly distressing you," The concern was more pronounced.

"I really do not need your attitude Hadarken," He was being more pleading.

Xelia stepped fully into his office and closed the door behind her.

"I know this has to do with Shepard. She's the only one you would get this worked up over."

Garrus hid his face in his hands.

"I met someone- someone that could help her walk again, Xelia."

Xelia's eyes went wide, a small sqwauk of surprise escaping her.

"I thought... the damage... the doctors said..." She was confused.

"I'm aware of what _her_ doctors said. But I... I was approached by another doctor. He truly believes there may be a way to repair the nerves, stabilize her bones and tendons. _Heal her_." He didn't bother to hide the desperation in his subharmonics. Xelia's expression softened.

"Vakarian, do you really think that is wise?"

"If there is even the slightest chance of her walking again... If her body were to heal, then perhaps her mind would begin to heal. The fact that she still sees how close she came to dying every time she wakes, it reminds her of how it felt. If she could have her body back..." He drifted off, tenuous hope tinging his low whisper.

Xelia looked down at her friend. She understood his desperation, but she feared where it could take him- as well as Shepard. She nodded to him, humming low.

"It's your decision Vakarian, just remember: Hope is a precious thing, both to be given, and to be taken away," concern and warning flowing freely under her words, Xelia hoped that Garrus understood the gravity of the decision he faced. Turning to the door, she left her fellow captain to his thoughts.

* * *

Kate was sitting at the kitchen island when Garrus returned home from work. She'd grabbed a cab home, as he was busy working late. Her arms were folded under her head, chin resting comfortably as she stared at the message center lit up before her.

"Anything of interest?" Garrus asked as he made himself a simple cocktail. He was rewarded with a low growl from the woman behind him. Turning to face her, he lifted his brow plate in curiosity. "That good, huh?" he chuckled.

"How has it already been almost four years?" she moaned, hiding her face in her lean arms, black hair cascading around her. She had removed it from its customary restraint, allowing the ebony waves to hang loosely to the middle of her back.

"Ah. Anniversary announcement, I take it?"

An awkward nod into her arms was the only response she gave.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to" he suggested hopefully.

She lifted her head and gave him a tired and snarky look.

"Oh yes, because bailing on the most important public event and holiday of the year would go over _so_ smoothly. I can hear it now," she said, mocking a reporter with an even, overly serious tone, " 'Galaxy Stunned as Hero Shuns Adoring Fans!' I'm expected to be there. It's not as if I have an excuse anymore."

Kate shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

"Well, I should have hoped escaping death's clutches for a second time would have earned you some time off," he joked, earning an amused laugh from his lover. The sound of her deep, throaty laugh thrilled him. He adored the sound, reveling in its brevity. It was so rare that she laughed these days- real, deep, chest filling laughter where she threw her head back and her eyes sparkled in glee. He missed that part of her dearly. It was good to be reminded it was still there, even if buried deep.

"You would think being the savior of organic life would have earned me some leeway in how I spend my time," she chuckled, shaking her head. "I really am not particularly looking forward to this damned thing, even if only for selfish reasons."

"How do you mean?"

Kate gestured to her body. "I have to go dress shopping for _this_. I look part Geth, part Elcor."

Garrus snorted at her comment, "Pouting is hardly becoming of you, Shepard. Besides, I'm sure you'll find something worthy of adorning your stunning form."

He gently rubbed her forehead with his before he went to get changed out of his uniform. After briefly refreshing himself, he stepped back into the main living area of their apartment to find Kate had already started on their dinners. The tall chairs in the kitchen had wheels, allowing her easier mobility as she prepared meals. She had set about teaching herself how to cook while she was bed and wheelchair-bound, studying manual after manual thoroughly. He had been pleasantly surprised at her skill with dextro food, often relishing her use of him as her test subject.

The two sat together for their meal, and Kate eagerly tucked into her food. Garrus sat staring at her for a time, studying her features and her eager eating. He wasn't aware of the smile on his face when she looked up at him and gave a puzzled expression.

"... Yes?" she said, drawing the word out. The Turian coughed awkwardly, realizing he'd just been caught staring at her. He stuttered and fumbled for some excuse as her eyes bore into the core of being. "Garrus, for the love of- just spit it out! No need to have a conniption."

Garrus sat quietly, Kate staring him down patiently as she awaited his answer. She could see the gears in his head working furiously as he worked out his words.

" How have your therapy sessions been going?" he asked, his searching tone throwing her off.

"Well, uh, I mean... you heard what they had to say. No significant progress in over six months. The sessions are starting to feel pointless, to be honest," she said, her frustration coloring her voice. She stared angrily down at her food, stabbing at it with some prejudice.

"What if they weren't?" Garrus asked quietly, almost afraid to have this conversation with her.

Kate's eyes shot straight into his own, hardening with anger. "Garrus," she warned in a low growl, "If this is some kind of sick joke, I-"

"It isn't a joke, Kate," he said, rising abruptly from his seat. He paced the living room, wringing his hands as his eyes searched for something beyond his sight. "What... what if..." he turned to back to face her, "There's a doctor who said he can help." The words tumbled quickly and awkwardly from his mouth. He thought her eyebrows just about leapt off her face from how quickly they shot up her forehead. She was speechless as Garrus returned to his seat and listlessly shifted his food around his place. Her eyes refused to leave him, begging some kind of explanation from him.

She sighed, closing her eyes and hiding her face in her hands. "Garrus," she began, her voice wavering, "We've been over this. There is no one. The best the galaxy had to offer could only do so much to put me back together after my cybernetics failed. We should be thankful that I'm this far."

His fist slamming into the table made her jump almost clear out of her seat.

"It isn't good enough," he growled. "You're miserable. You're in constant pain, in your body and mind. I see the way how the way people stare hurts you. I see the way you hurt when you think I'm not looking. Dr. Heplorn said he could make a difference, that there was a chance of you being able to walk again!" His voice grew to a shout as he spoke. He was breathing heavily as though he had just had a go at the Academy track.

Angry recognition flashed in Shepard's eyes at the doctor's name.

"Heplorn? _Maelon_ Heplorn? Morin's former student? Are you out of your mind? The same Salarian that experimented on humans and krogans alike with horrific outcomes?"

Garrus nodded silently, his blue eyes eyes refusing to meet her gray ones.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me. There is no way you are seriously considering this? He is insane!"

"He could help you! He doesn't perform-"

"I will _not_ be someone else's damned _guinea pig_!"

She was shaking with fury as her voice rose to drown out her companion's. She quickly slid her arms into crutches and rose, quickly striding over where the Turian stood. Her stare begged him to respond, to say _something_, to say _anything_ to explain why he was saying these things to her. Turning, she stormed off as quickly as her crutches would allow, a resounding '_SLAM!_" echoing in the apartment as she slammed the bedroom door shut.

Garrus sighed and sat heavily on the couch. All things considered, it went better than he could have hoped for. After all, she hadn't shot him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The crick in Garrus' neck was not being aided in the slightest by the three Batarian mercs sitting before him on the ground. The three were arguing vehemently between themselves over precisely when and whom among them had first realized that they had been hired for a hit on a Hanar ambassador. He had spent the last few nights sleeping on the couch, banned from the bedroom by his mate. She'd been avoiding him ever since he mentioned Maelon's idea for treatment- and from what Hadarken had been telling him, he was not the only target of her ire. Apparently, she had been running her students ragged by having them train and spare endlessly. He had watched with mild amusement when he witnessed a few of the cadets limping their way out of headquarters one evening. At the very least, he could comfort himself that he was not alone in his suffering.

* * *

He was waiting for her when she got home from work. Her eyes widened at his presence, leaning against the back of the couch and leveling his blue eyes at her, "We need to talk."

She scowled and attempted to make her way past him to their room. He was quick in blocking her, eliciting a growl in anger; there was no point in trying to out-maneuver him. He reached out to her with upturned hands, "Kate, please?" She sighed in resignation and sat heavily on the couch. She was refusing to speak.

"I know... you've been, uh, avoiding me these last few days," he started, nervously, "And I completely understand your reasoning. It wasn't fair for me to spring Maelon's offer on you the way I did. I should have brought it up to you more gently. But that doesn't change the fact that he has made an offer; a very serious one, one worth considering."

Her blank face and intense stare was beginning to unnerve him. He had only ever seen her like this after Alenko had accused her of treason on Horizon. He had to keep going.

"And I do think his offer is worth considering. You have to understand, Kate: this whole ordeal has changed you." His statement drew a slight cocking of her head. Good, he had her interest, she was responding. He rose from his seat opposite her to start pacing the room, feeling bolstered by her small movement.

"Even when we faced Sidonis, Sovereign, endless mercs, Harbinger... Even when we faced hell itself raining down on us, you kept us all going. You were understanding and diplomatic and completely willing to lay down the law when necessary. And it was all because of this one, incredible, impossible thing that you represented to us, the galaxy... To me..."

He crouched down at her feet, taking her small hands in his large ones. Her brows were knitted together, her mouth held tight. He looked straight into her eyes and willed her to see all the sincerity he felt.

"Insanity?" she asked with a dry chuckle. He couldn't help but smirk and shake his head.

"Hope. You gave us hope. But now... I feel like you've lost that, and it kills me to see you, Kate Shepard, without hope. It almost feels like a part of you never made it out of that wreck."

He could feel his voice beginning to crack and tears welling up in his eyes. Every word was true. It was the first time he voiced his feelings on her survival to her. For so long after they recovered her body and she woke from her coma, he had found it difficult to convince his mind that she was real, that she had made it against all the odds. It had taken some time for him to see the changes in her, his elation at her even being alive coloring his perception.

She pulled her hands from and cupped his face, her thumbs wiping the moisture from his cheek plates. Her eyes had softened and looked at him apologetically, her mouth working to form words.

"Garrus... Garrus, I... I had no idea. I am so sorry. I've been selfish. I hadn't even bothered to ask how you were handling all of this... I am so selfish... I am so sorry, my love..."

Tears were streaming freely down her face by the time she stopped speaking, her voice tinier than he had ever heard it.

"But I don't think I can do it, Garrus. I've had so many doctors work on me, I've already been experimented on too many times... I don't know that I can go through that again..." She was afraid. She had every right and reason to be as far as he was concerned.

"Then," he said, "Perhaps try talking to him yourself. This is ultimately your decision. But as your people say, 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained,' right?"

He waited tensely for his words to sink in and watched her process them carefully. After a heavy pause, she slowly nodded her head and agreed that he had a point. In his elation, he nearly lost control in hugging her against him; he had to remind himself to be careful of her delicate body. He fluttered his mandibles against the sides of her face, earning a light giggle. Garrus was relieved that the situation had been resolved. He had been losing sleep without the familiar weight of her laying next to him at night.

"I'll go talk to him this week sometime, after work," she said. "After all, he managed to come up with the original version of the genophage cure. A half-crippled marine shouldn't be too much of a challenge, right?" Her crooked smile indicated her attempt to lighten the mood. Garrus pressed his forehead to hers before rising to go start work on dinner.

* * *

Shepard's assistant Thalin- a younger male turian with purple clan markings- stood quietly off to the side as she worked her nerves out in the gym. When she would change machines, he would aid her in moving from one unit to another. She was on the pull-up bar when a familiar voice came from the door,

"I mean, I always knew you admired me Commander, but I had no idea you envied my bod that much."  
Kate glanced over her shoulder to see none-other than Jimmy Vega strutting over to her in brand new N7 skivs. She smiled broadly before nodding to Thalin, who helped her down and handed her crutches over. As she slipped her sweating arms into them, Vega came up to her.

"Damn... That's just wrong..." he said with a cocked brow, eyeing her metal forelegs.

"Yeah," she said, teasing, "That's when happens when you save the galaxy... twice."

Vega swept her up into a hug and she grunted in surprise. "Easy there, devil dog," she said laughing, returning the hug as best she could.

"Seriously though, you'd think they'd be able to do better; I mean, they managed to fix me up just fine," he said, returning her to the ground. He lifted his pant leg to reveal the synthetic limb he had been outfitted with. Kate shrugged.

"Yeah, well, that's a bit more of a simple fix. Just plug and go. They've doing prosthetics for centuries. Growing new nerves, in the absence of cybernetics, is a bit more complicated. They've got me mostly in one piece though- even if I do look like the bride of Frankenstein."

Vega laughed heartily at her remark. There was a level of truth to it that the friends couldn't deny.

"Damn Commander, it's been too dull without you around. None of the guys in my new unit know how to take a damn joke."

"You don't have to call me Commander anymore Vega, I'm not Alliance anymore. Just a lowly lieutenant in C-sec."

"Say what? They should have made you a damn Admiral, given you your own fleet and everything. It's the least they could do after all you've done for, well, everyone."

Kate shrugged again- they both knew the reason she had been discharged from the Alliance, nearly dishonorably- and headed to the door, Thalin following not far behind. Vega shot the turian a glance,

"Who's that, you're new pet?"

"Haha, no. That's my assitant, Officer Thalin Mercus. He helps me around the office and in my classes."

"Uh huh... I should get me one of those..." Vega trailed off with a scheming glint in his eye. Kate rolled her eyes at him.

"Listen, I'm gonna hit the showers, then we go get some chow. Sound good?"

"Sounds good, Lola. Let me know if you need any help in there," he replied with a wink. Shaking her head and laughing, Kate went to the women's locker room to clean herself up.

* * *

The two went to a smaller bar nestled into a tiny spot near one of the docking levels. Food ended up not sounding terribly appealing to either, so they decided to hit up one of the seedy bars instead. Beer in hand, the two marines chatted and laughed over old times, reminiscing on their adventures aboard the Normandy. She asked him how he was faring in his new position at N7, and he asked about her work with the C-sec Academy. Their stories caught the attention of the human bartender, piquing his interest.

"So what are you two, ex-marines or somethin'?" he asked, cleaning glasses.

"No such thing," Shepard muttered into her bottle as she took another swig. Vega's "Damn straight!" was much more emphatic, flexing his tattooed arms proudly.

"Huh," the bartender said, "So were you in the war then, I take it?"

"You bet!" Vega nearly shouted, smacking the bar with an open palm. "This here is the legendary Commander Shepard of the Normandy!"

Kate hid her face in the crook of her arm. She should have known that mixing Vega and booze was going to blow her cover. In spite of her (thankfully limited) required public appearances, she had managed to go about her new life relatively incognito- which she was perfectly content with. So much for that, she thought as every head in the establishment whipped around to stare at her. The poor barkeep nearly dropped a glass in shock as his eyes went wide.

The reaction from the crowd was as mixed as their species. Her decision to wipe out all synthetic life had not been without controversy. Much of the bar now headed for her, some extending pens and photos for autographs, others fielding angry and hurt questions. She glared at her friend, who smiled sheepishly as he tried to fend off the crowd. He acted as a shield for her as she did her best to maneuver out, not above smacking shins with her metal crutches to get people out of her way. She had never been one for the lime-light. She was just a soldier who had done her duty- losing far too many friends along the way. She was personally responsible for countless deaths, and she was far from thinking that was something for her to be proud of, fully understanding of the numerous dark looks cast her way.

Free of the bar and its patrons, she and Jimmy made their way to the Reaper Memorial at the base of the Council Tower. A figure of every race stood in a ring holding hands, facing outward. In the center, the Citadel rose upward, like a blossoming flower. At the base, a large plaque read: "IN REMEMBRANCE OF THOSE LOST TO THE REAPERS." Below each representative of each race, a smaller plaque memorialized the important ships of each race's fleet. At the foot of the human figure, a plaque read in large gold lettering: "IN MEMORY OF THE CREW OF THE SSV NORMANDY, UNDER THE COMMAND OF CDR. KATHRYN SHEPARD." The two stood in silent reverie as they stared at the monument. EDI and the Geth had been destroyed along with the Reapers, along with anyone with extensive cybernetic implants- Shepard very nearly among them.

"Ya know, Lola," Vega said, breaking the silence, "They have you up there. You're a damned hero, several times over. If it weren't for you, the galaxy wouldn't have stood a chance. Those ungrateful sonsof-"

"- James," she said, cutting him off, "You know damn well why I'm not up there. You know why I was given medical discharge. The only reason I wasn't court marshaled for war crimes was because so many were saved."

"It still ain't right, Commander. They all owe you their lives, and they just cast you aside."

"Vega, I know you don't agree with the decision, but it's been over three years. I'm happy with my work at C-sec. I enjoy my students. I'm making a difference, in my own way."

James looked over at her skeptically. She was still looking at the memorial before them, her weight resting heavily on her crutches. Her tightly muscled arms reflected the constant use, but he caught sight of something he had never noticed before. Whether it was the uniform she'd worn on the Normandy or the fact they were facing their deaths at any given moment, he had never noted the small bit of black ink peeking out from under the sleeve of her top.

"Hey, Lola, is that some ink I see there?" he gestured to the inside of her left bicep.

Pulled from her thoughts, Shepard looked at him, brow furrowed in brief confusion before redirecting her gaze to the area in question. She smirked and pulled her sleeve up slightly, exposing the semi-faded tattoo. She had gotten it done so long ago and had never taken the time to get it touched up, even after the reconstruction by Cerberus.

"Oh, this old thing? I'm surprised Miranda managed to save it during the Lazarus project."

"Is that what I think it is?"

She smiled, "My parents were both Alliance. My grandparents were United States military before that, and their parents before that. It seemed appropriate to honor their memories. Especially my grandfather. He was a true jarhead."

The seal on her arm was a faded gray, the lines blurred and confusing in some places- but she still knew exactly what the image was. The globe, anchor, and eagle had been visible all over her grandfather's home on Earth, on flags, mugs, shirts, hats, even among his various medals on the mantle. She had loved him and his stories of his time in the corps dearly. Her family had been the reason she had joined in the first place

"Seems war runs in your blood then," Vega said, "No wonder you're so hard to kill. You come by your cojones honestly, Lola."

Shepard laughed. She knew that military service ran at least four generations back in her family- probably more. Few knew of her faded emblem, including Garrus, Miranda, and now Vega. And Kaiden. Of course Kaiden. She quickly pushed thoughts of him from her mind. Now was not the time.

The two friends and marines wandered from memorial to wander through the rest of the park. They sat on a bench quietly enjoying each other's company before Kate finally worked up the courage to ask Vega his thoughts on Maelon's offer.

"Garrus wants me to do it," she said somberly, "And I understand why. Part of me wants to do it too. But I just... I'm tired of being someone's science project."

"I feel ya, " James said, leaning back on the bench, staring up at the Presidium's false blue sky, "But really, what have ya got to lose by talking to him? He may be nuts, but so was Cerberus for bringing you back in the first place. You've lived through and done the impossible before, Commander. If he can give you your legs back..."

"Mmm," was the only acknowledgement Shepard gave. She leaned back against the bench, mimicking Vega's posture. She watched the skycars overhead, contemplating what her friend had said.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7  
**  
The exam room was as cold and uninviting as every exam room Shepard had ever been in. From her intake physical with the Alliance, to her advanced to physical for N7, her annual check-ups with military doctors, her survival of Sovereign, her awakening after Cerberus rebuilt her, the numerous hospitals and check-ups and analyses after destroying the Reaspers; after a while they all started to blend together. The clinic in the Presidium for war veterans with advanced injuries that Maelon had established was no different for Shepard. Part of her did have to admit being slightly impressed with the salarian- he had learned a great deal from Mordin's example.

She pressed her palms over the linen gown again, flattening out the non-existent wrinkles in the fabric. The pale blue cloth looked soft and out of place next to her heavily scarred and mangled legs. She frowned as she looked down at the offending limbs attached to the lower portion of her body. Most of the time she managed to ignore them and their appearance, recognizing them only when they gave her grief. As she gazed at her legs, she became uncomfortably aware of all the problems with them: the muscles had atrophied long ago in her coma, scarred bone lay bumpy and deformed under the too-pale skin, the numb patches were slightly tinged purple due to the poor circulation and severe nerve damage, long red scars with staple marks criss-crossed the delicate flesh. She looked like a monster. She vaguely wondered how in the whole galaxy it was that Garrus had stayed with her when she looked the way she did, when she was as weak as she was. The thought that she didn't deserve him briefly flitted across her mind as she was pulled back to the present by a sharp knock on the door.

The salarian that entered the room was most definitely the same one she had encountered on Tuchanka all those years ago. He was clearly old now, a few scars of his own on his face. Aged, battle-marked, wiser (she hoped), but still Maelon.

"Commander, I'm glad you came to see me," he said quickly, in a manner that reminded her of her long lost salarian friend.

"Please, I'm not a commander anymore. It's Lt. Shepard now," she said with a slight bow of her head.

"Ah, you're not with the Alliance anymore. Working with C-sec now, training new officers. Very impressive. Regardless," he waved his hand dismissively, "We're not here for pleasantries. I assume Mr. Vakarian informed you of my interest in your condition?"

"Yes, he did."

"And? Your thoughts?"

"I'm not sold. I've had the best doctors and physical therapists in the galaxy working on me for the last three years; what makes you think you can accomplish what they haven't?"

"I work exclusively with reconstruction of severe nerve and circulatory damage sustained from crush injuries," he said, his large eyes boring into her. "My experience is unique, my cases extreme. I only take those that have not found help elsewhere. Many were injured by falling debris when the Reapers attacked; that is how most died, if not by husks. I saw a need, and moved to fulfill that need. Now, I offer my skills to you."

Shepard returned the salarian's intense stare. He had a point. Prior to the Reapers, the advent of geological trauma stability in architecture had led to fewer and fewer people ever having to experience being crushed by debris. Doctors rarely, if ever, saw such injuries in their lifetimes. When the Reapers came, they were entirely unprepared for the devastation.

"I hope you'll forgive my hesitation at being one of your experiments," she said coldly. Maelon shook his head in disagreement.

"No, no, you misunderstand. No experimentation. Proven techniques only. It would be a slow process, but thorough and known to work. I can show you previous case files of similar patients, if that would put you at ease. None have quite the extensive nature of your injuries of course, but the type of damage sustained is the same. You managed to survive more of that damage than was thought possible."

"No, that's not necessary," she said shaking her head, "I already looked through your previous cases."

Maelon's eyes lit up with understanding, "Ah, so you already know then. Have you made a decision?"

Shepard was quiet for a long time. Maelon sat patiently on the stool in front of the exam table, waiting for her to speak. She had already made up her mind, long before making the appointment. Some part of her had needed to see him in person to confirm for her that her decision was the right one.

Kate lifted her gaze back to Maelon, her eyes watering slightly, "Where do we start?" she asked quietly. Maelon smiled warmly.

"First," he said calmly, "Intake physical, to gauge extent and severity of damage." Kate nodded and laid back on the table, allowing the doctor to begin scanning her with his omni-tool.

* * *

Kate was sitting on the small balcony of the apartment when Garrus came home from work. A small wastebasket sat next to her, overflowing with crumpled tissues, the box from which they originated sat on the small table by her chair. Garrus came out and leaned against the open doorway, watching her silently. She didn't acknowledge his presence, staring out at the park at the base of their building.

"I had an appointment with Maelon today," she said after a lengthy period of silence.

Garrus moved to sit in the accompanying chair next to the small table that separated his seat from Kate's. Her eyes were red, her face swollen and flushed; she had been crying. He reached out and gently took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb in slow circled over the back of her hand. He kept silent for now, waiting for her to tell him what had her so upset.

"He did a physical, to gauge how bad things were; gave me rundown of what exactly the damage was and what it would take to fix it," she said quietly. Her eyes began to fill with tears again. "They never told me, they never..." her gravely whisper trailed off into a strangled sob as she started crying again.

Garrus moved to kneel before Shepard. She held a tissue to her face with one hand, trying to stem the flow of tears and mucus.

"What is it? What did he say?" Garrus asked as quietly and gently as he could. Something had happened at the clinic, but he did not know what.

"I mean, it's not like it was even really possible before," Kate said with a deep breath, "Not like I had really even considered it, because of the war, because of everything." She was speaking quickly now, chest heaving with each deep breath she managed to get in between sobs and talking. "I mean, it may have been possible, I don't know. Like I said, never considered it. Maybe I was never cut out for it anyway and it just wasn't meant to be and-"

"Kate," Garrus said, placing a taloned hand gently on her cheek, drawing her focus to his deeply concerned face, "What happened? What did he say?"

Kate used the hand holding the now-soaked tissue to bring his hand on her cheek down to where he hadn't realized her other hand had been resting- her lower abdomen, between her hips. She pressed his large hand against her body with her smaller ones. She was shaking.

"We can't... I can't... It..."

Her sobbed words hit him like a an elcor. The crash. Her injuries. She would never bear children. While he understood enough of biology to know that they would have never been able to conceive a child of their own together, he hadn't been entirely joking with her when he had mentioned the possibility of children to her before the final battle on Earth.

All he could do was pull her to him and embrace her shuddering, sobbing form. He knew there was nothing he could say to lessen the weight of the news on her. She buried her face against his shoulder and clung to his uniform as she gasped for air, trying to steady herself.

"They never told me, the doctors never said a damned thing!" She was nearly yelling in anger, frustration, and hurt. "They should have fucking told me!"

She weakly beat her fists against him to punctuate her pain, breaking down into body-wracking sobs again. Garrus did the best he could to calm her, a low hum emanating from his chest, mandibles fluttering slightly in concern. He rubbed her back firmly, the way he had for so many nights on the Normandy, when nightmares would wake her.

He finally found himself managing to form words, "Perhaps, they didn't see the necessity... Because of us..." He regretted his statement as soon as it exited his lips.

Kate reeled back, face contorted in rage as blue eyes met gray.

"I don't give a damn as to what their reasons were! I deserved to fucking know! Who are they to determine what I should and should not know about my own fucking body!"

Her volume steadily increased as she spoke, from a growling whisper to nearly shrieking by the time she finished. Her chest heaved as she stared at the turian in front of her. He took her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers, the low hum in his chest continuing. After a moment, she relaxed into his touch and her breathing slowly returned to normal.

"It's not fair..." she whispered, her breath hot and damp on his face.

"I know. I know it's not," he said in a low voice. He couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through, but he knew that he too was hurting from the news. Sure, biology may not have cooperated, but they could have found a some solution. He had often found himself daydreaming at an image in his mind of his mate, swollen and glowing with child. Even if it took finding a donor, a human analogue of himself, or some sort of genetic modification, -something- some deep part of him had wanted that image to be real. The revelation that it never would be was hard for him to come to grips with as well.

Garrus brushed the black strands of hair out of Kate's face. Even expelling mucus and tears, even with her face puffy and red as it was, he found her beautiful. Her light eyes were in sharp contrast to the red blood vessels of her sclera. In her face he saw something he had never seen on her, an expression he was unfamiliar with in her features. He tried to decipher her downcast eyes, slightly furrowed brow, her blunt teeth worrying her lower lip- was it...

"If you don't... If you want... I..." she took a deep breath, closing her eyes, trying to fight back more tears, "I understand if you wish to... find a, uh... more suitable... partner... I know you wanted- wanted a family..."

She stuttered and refused to look at him as she choked out her words. His brow plates shot up and his mandibles clicked against his jaw in distress. She felt shame? Because she couldn't have children?

"Shepard, look at me," he said sternly, still holding her delicate face. "Look at me and listen to me. There is no one, absolutely no one in this damned galaxy I would rather have at my side. Like you said back on Earth, we probably never would have been able to have children of our own. If we want to have a family, we'll have a family- galaxy, Reapers, doctors be damned. But first, we have to get you well. You'll never be able to keep up with a pack of turians in the state you're in." He gave her a hopeful smirk as he finished he miniature pep-talk. She gave a small chuckle.

"'A pack,' huh? Exactly how many of the little boogers are you wanting, exactly?" Kate raised an eyebrow at him, attempting a small smile.

"Enough of 'em," he replied enigmatically, his smile broadening. It was clear she was feeling better. It would take time for her to come to terms with the news from Maelon, sure, but at least the initial shock and feeling of betrayal was past. "Now," he continued, "What did Maelon have to say about treatment options?"

The distraction was welcome, and Shepard felt more in her element, giving Garrus a rundown of the plan Maelon had given her in much the same manner she used to handle mission briefings. Maybe they could do this after all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

As Kate Shepard woke from her anaesthesia-induced slumber, the first thing she was aware of was an uncomfortable tightness surrounding her from the chest down. She attempted to draw a deep breath in, but found the expansion of her chest restricted by something stiff. _What the hell?_

There was a warm hand giving her own a small squeeze that drew her attention from the tightness and put her mind at least partly at ease. Cracking her eyes open slowly, she was met by the silvery plates and blue eyes of her mate. She returned the grip he had on her hand and cracked a small smile on her dry lips. She always hated that part of surgery; the anaesthesia always dried her lips out to the point of cracking painfully.

"Welcome back," Garrus whispered, mandibles widening in a toothy smile.

"Hey," was all she could managed to crack out of her tired vocal cords.

"How do you feel?"

She swallowed hard, trying to move some form of moisture down her throat, "Like I've been hit by a tranq meant for a hippo."

"I'm not quite sure what a 'hippo' is," Garrus said with a grin, "But it sounds unpleasant, all the same."

"Ah, Shepard; you're awake."

Maelon had entered the small room, female human nurse in tow with his charts. The nurse handed him what Shepard took to be her chart and he gave it a quick glance-over before approaching her bed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, pushing a button that caused her bed to angle so that she was in a more seated position.

"Like hell," she said shortly. She may have agreed to do this, but it didn't change how she thought of the salarian. He may have matured and claimed to have changed his ways since her last encounter with him, but she remained skeptical.

"Malaise to be expected as side-effect of sedation. Some discomfort as well as your body adjusts."

"Adjusts to _what_ precisely?" she asked. The good doctor had been somewhat alarmingly sparse on the details of Shepard's initial procedure. All he could really tell her and Garrus was that he was going to be installing a...

"Support structure," he said, matter-of-factly. He pulled the blankets of her bed down slowly, revealing her whole body. On interior and anterior sides of her legs were odd metal bars that were somehow fused to her skin (how, precisely, she did not want to know). Flat joints on the sides of her knees and hips permitted the framework to move with her joints. The nurse delicately untied the neck-tie of Shepard's hospital gown, and carefully folded it over her waist, allowing the fabric to sit neatly in her lap. The exposed portion of her waist and chest were covered by an odd plastic corset of sorts that was moderately flexible.

Kate had to admit a sort of wonder at the doctor's work. She was still unsure what this 'support structure' would _do_ exactly, but the foreign nature of it was fascinating to her.

"Basic post-op check necessary- ensure proper installation," the doctor said as he started slowly lifting and bending Shepard's legs, working them this way and that. She winced slightly at some movements that sent small shocks of pain up her back, but let the doctor manipulate her limbs freely. The salarian kept nodded and mumbling to himself periodically. He and the nurse worked Shepard's torso next, slowly flexing her forward and back, side to side. Despite the constrictive nature of the structure around her chest, the material was surprisingly flexible, allowing her relatively free range of motion.

"Now, please place your feet on the floor Lieutenant," the doctor ordered gently, coming around the hospital bend to stand before her. She looked over his shoulder and gave her very worried looking Turian a smile. He flicked his mandibles at her in return, but did not appear to be any more at ease.

"Okay," the doctor continued, ignoring their exchange, "Now slowly begin to shift your weight onto your feet until you are standing upright."

Shepard cocked an intrigued brow at him. He was kidding, right?

"Uh, doc," she said, her nervousness manifesting as a chuckle, "I don't think that's the best idea. I don't do so hot on my feet."

Maelon waved her statement away with quick hand motions. "Trust me," was all he said before nodding to the nurse on Shepard's other side.

Shepard sighed and decided to just do as the insane salarian said. At least she had two medical professionals there for when she inevitably came crashing to the floor. Except that the outcome she was fully prepared for never came. Slowly, achingly slowly, she shifted her weight onto her feet little by little. The doctor and nurse had their hands on her, and she had her arms around their shoulders- just in case. However, nearly the same instant she felt her delicate limbs begin to buckle under the strain, she felt tension kick into the metal brackets on her legs. It appeared that the doctor had managed to revive archaic technology and modernize it, customizing the formerly bulky walking assist machinery into a more sleek and compact design. The contraption appeared to be working with the contractions of her muscles to add stability and strength.

She beamed and started giggling maniacally.

"Garrus! Garrus, look! Look, look! I'm _standing_! Holy shit!"

Garrus laughed at her joy. The smile on her face was the biggest and most genuine he had seen on her in far too long. He had begun to think she would never recover, mentally or physically, from the damage of the war. But maybe, just maybe...

"Keep in mind this merely a support structure," the doctor interrupted, "It works with your muscles to help blood flow reach the capillaries we repaired. We need the muscles to be getting more use for the blood to be able to flow properly. Once the blood flow is sufficient, then we can begin to work on the nerve scaffolding to return sensory information. As it is, the lack of sensation will be problematic. Take this easy, go slow for a while. You could very easily over-strain or damage your fragile muscles and ligaments and not know it. So please, be _careful_," the doctor said, making a point to speak slowly and clearly to his patient and her partner. He knew Shepard's reputation, and the last thing either of them needed was for her to end up back on his operating table with a torn muscle.

Shepard nodded her acknowledgement. "Don't worry doc, I will," she said. "I'll be careful. And I'm sure Garrus will scold me if I don't." She cast the turian in question a grin and a wink. Tentatively, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling the supports work to aid in handling her weight. The smile on her face grew. Slowly, gently, she lifted a foot up from the floor by a couple inches. The support struts seized uncomfortably, but held. She stayed standing on one leg for a few seconds before lowering her foot back down. She couldn't help the excited giggles that came bubbling up from her chest.

Garrus grinned widely as he watched her admire her Maelon's handiwork. She kept carefully shifting her weight from one leg to the other, tensing and relaxing her muscles, as though unsure if her experience were real. When she looked up and met his eyes, hers were shining with what he had begun to fear would never appear there again: Hope.


End file.
